Backstory: I have recently taken up meditation (2-3 months ago) and even more recently, a budding interest in buddhism. I was initially drawn in by the fact that the vast majority of the dhamma could easily be verified in my day to day life; I was taken aback by how much it resonated with me. I felt it to be true. So I decided to start applying it. Radical life changes ensued not out of desperation, but because I could finally see these the things that no longer served me.
I have been doing a lot of reading lately and have hit a bit of a wall on the first item of the eightfold path: right view. I understand that as part of right view, which precedes all other steps, I need to embrace the cycle of death and rebirth - particularly as it applies to individuals consciousness - as an ultimate truth.
It is not that I disagree with this, my brain just sees it as another theory.. same as the theory that death is the end. I want to believe, but I just can't seem to force my brain to do it. I would guess this is a defensive mechanism I have in place thanks to western religions and conspiracy theories. I am afraid that I will never be able to verify this to myself, and thus I will never fully see it as truth. I feel partly ashamed by this.
Has anybody else struggled with internalizing this view? Should I continue with my studies past right view even if I'm still struggling with this? Thanks