+1 vote
by (150 points)
I'm 22 years old and I had traditional treatment for my mental problems in the past. It never worked, there was always something missing and all I have ever wanted is to be able to exist without letting my thoughts, feelings or wrong views make me want to hurt myself and truly give up. I have been meditating for a couple of months now and I study the Dhamma every day. (I'm not on any kind of medication nor do I see a therapist) my real question is, I don't know if it's good for me to meditate when my thoughts are so overwhelming all I want to do is hurt myself. I fantasise about ending it all and how liberating that would be. I don't have any teacher nor do I know anyone who practises Buddhism that could help me on my path. Should I meditate every time I can regardless of what's happening and observe what is happening? Or perhaps, should I simply stay still? I practise mindfulness every day as much as I can, I do really try to discover things for myself.

Thank you, blessings from Nicaragua.

(Alexa)

2 Answers

+1 vote
by (7.3k points)
Have you read our how to meditate booklet?

If not, please start there. Not all meditations are equal and some could make your depression worse. Vipassana as taught in our tradition can help you understand the true nature of reality including your depression.

 https://www.sirimangalo.org/text/how-to-meditate/
by (150 points)
Thank you! Yes, I have read and practiced it. The answer is really useful, I appreciate it.
Even though I have been practising for some time I still find myself with a bit of confusion about it, which is why I'm going to take the at home meditation course. I didn't know about it at all until today.

Blessings and thank you again!
0 votes
by (12.8k points)
edited by

Most people who want to commit suicide appear to assume that it all ends at death. But it does not. Whatever hardships you are experiencing in this life will likely get worse next life if you commit suicide. The average human is born with the potential to overcome all suffering. So use this rare opportunity to reach that state. Because you might not get another chance for many a life. 
 

Mendicants, suppose a person were to throw a yoke with a single hole into the ocean. The east wind wafts it west; the west wind wafts it east; the north wind wafts it south; and the south wind wafts it north. And there was a one-eyed turtle who popped up once every hundred years.

What do you think, mendicants? Would that one-eyed turtle still poke its neck through the hole in that yoke?”

“No, sir. Only after a very long time, sir, if ever.”

That one-eyed turtle would poke its neck through the hole in that yoke sooner than a fool who has fallen to the underworld would be reborn as a human being, I say. Why is that? Because in that place there’s no principled or moral conduct, and no doing what is good and skillful. There they just prey on each other, preying on the weak.

And suppose that fool, after a very long time, returned to the human realm. They’d be reborn in a low class family—a family of outcastes, hunters, bamboo-workers, chariot-makers, or waste-collectors. Such families are poor, with little to eat or drink, where life is tough, and food and shelter are hard to find. And they’d be ugly, unsightly, deformed, chronically ill—one-eyed, crippled, lame, or half-paralyzed. They don’t get to have food, drink, clothes, and vehicles; garlands, perfumes, and makeup; or bed, house, and lighting. And they do bad things by way of body, speech, and mind. When their body breaks up, after death, they’re reborn in a place of loss, a bad place, the underworld, hell. - Balapanditha Sutta

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