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Can you clarify your question?
by (160 points)
Well I've stepped into another strange dementiion about 5 weeks ago it hit me like a ton of bricks strange night of meditation early morning 3:20 am I felt there was no desire for anything no coffee food drink cigarettes very joyful no parisipation or interaction with anything kind of sorrow jet laughing joy it went on for 4 or 5 days then I began to get better but never the same over the weeks to come I became different person experience headache pressure In forehead an aware nature like never before stillness in meditation never achieved before no more struggling to work with way I've taking up practice since the beginning as believing I was a monk fallowing rules teaching believing I was a monk found tape recording teaching of an Abbot I will listen to his real techniques his teacher vulnerable ajahn cha I strictly studying his teaching his darmatalks his method most of them towards monks I believed I was a samana going to tutang through storms in Miami Florida were l live walking through empty streets I sell limes in street corners in Miami I will do walking meditation through traffic selling limes standing meditation while light changed I breath s sleep ate joyfully meditation  exgirlfreind f ok r 19 years split no notice agust 19 2019 leaving me poor in debt with 15 year old son who in the other room I was poor but my mind  was wealthy we survived till now when change happened and don't feel the urgency to practice with such hard devotional dedication like 5 weeks ago please help only have asked two or three questions in 4and 1/2 years only in the last  few weeks all on you tube alone thanks
by (8.6k points)
This is an autobiography. Not a question.
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