I don't know how much I can write about this. Because I think I'm touching matters that can get philosophical very quickly. But I'll try to be as simple and consise as possible.
I am not a man. What a man is I do not know. Neither do I know what a woman is, but I know what being a woman feels like. I realize that when I allow myself to untie my heart, let go of shame and fear, I find myself happier, more empathetic, and ineludibly more "femenine". When I love myself, I love everyone and everything else more. And it is when I love myself when I feel I truly exist as a "woman", and vice-versa.
However I always get assaulted by doubts. "If you know gender to be an illusion. If you know that deep down, we are not separate from each other. Men from women, people from trees. Consciousness from consciousness by the illusion of an individual ego... Then why do you care what your body looks like?". It is because I feel inside a prison, I answer, a prison of both body and mind. Because my heart feels always opressed when I pretend to be a man. When I act like something I am not. But then again... How can I know what I'm not If I'm part of it all? I do not ask if being trans is "right" or "wrong". But, is wanting to look like what you feel you are... A desire?Or a need? That is my question as consise as I can make it.