People don't cause us upset and distress, we cause ourselves that. Instead of intellectually appreciating this, when we clearly "see" this for ourselves, we stop causing ourselves this distress.
In order to see clearly or understand upset, distress and unpleasant feeling etc for oneself, we practice mindfulness meditation as detailed in this booklet https://www.sirimangalo.org/text/how-to-meditate/.
With practice one realises there is no need to manage the "problem" of unpleasant feeling as its self created by our reactions.