+2 votes
by (460 points)
Now i am aware that my parents specifically my mother manipulate me into believing her that everyone else except for her is the bad guy. I have been influence badly by her when i was still naive.

My question is : What are the responsibilities that the child must carry when their parents grow older and needed support when i dont want to deal with their negativity and complains.
by (460 points)
Thank you Bhante
by (460 points)
Thank you for the explanations
by (18.3k points)
You're welcome!

2 Answers

+6 votes
by (1.9k points)
The reason for suggesting that children have responsibility towards their parents is because of the strong ties of debt relating to the care the parents have generally provided towards the children. A good person acknowledges their debts towards others and acts in ways that repay those debts. Your responsibilities towards your parents relate to your understanding and appreciation of their help towards you.

Responsibilities like this are conventional truth, that you should acknowledge and allow to guide your choices in the world. They do not relate directly to ultimate reality, since on an ultimate level there are no beings, there is just experience.

When others are abusive, this I think weighs negatively on any responsibility the victim might have towards them. Again, this relates to conventional reality. On an ultimate level, the goal is to understand abuse as merely arising and ceasing experiences of seeing, hearing, etc.

So, practically, you have to do two things:

First, you have to weigh the good people have done for you with the bad to determine how you should act towards them on a conventional level, independent of your affection or aversion towards them.

Second, you have to address your affection or aversion towards those you come in contact with, working to rise above partiality to see your experiences clearly.

It sounds like the manipulation you refer to relates to the first imperative, and the not wanting to deal with negativity and complaints relates to the second. You should try to separate your aversion from the things people do or have done to you.
by (460 points)
Thank you Bhante
+3 votes
by (18.3k points)
There are 3 types of children.
1. Avajāta: those who are inferior to their parents in morality, wisdom etc.
2. Anujāta: those who are at the same level as their parents in morality, wisdom etc.
3. Atijāta: those who are superior in morality, wisdom etc. compared to their parents

So if you belong to the third category, you should be able to sort out the opinions and complaints of your parents and see which ones have merit and which ones are baseless. This is the same way parents make decisions when little kids cry/complain for every little thing when they are growing up. You can do the same with your mother.

The Buddha once said that if you carry your parents on your shoulders and looked after them your whole life, you still wouldn't be able to repay your debt to them. The only way to repay it is by making them understand the Dhamma.
So as a son, you can look after their health, help them financially as much as you can manage and also put an effort to bring them to Dhamma without reacting badly to their complaining nature. After all, it's just sound hitting the ears.  Unless it's a very loud sound that can damage the ears, sound cannot hurt you.
by (460 points)
Thank you for the explanations
by (18.3k points)
You're welcome!
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